Unfinished Business

How often do you wake up in the middle of the night with a nagging anxiety? How hard is it to realize what that anxiety is or was? I have a wise friend who often expressed how the body is amazingly aware of strife and burden and consequently expresses it's difficulty in very physical forms. For some that is severe to mild back pain, headaches, simulated injuries, and sometimes failed efforts. We could easily relate this to the subconscious mind being aware of what we deny and our bodies desiring a way to express what we can't or fail to deal with appropriately. I can say that I know exactly what this looks and feels like.
Just a few years ago I found myself in a position that I never thought I would end up, but as my grandfather would have said, "life throws you curve balls (He was a great baseball fan as is my father), so you best practice so you can hit them." The idea was that I should practice hitting curve balls more to recognize the varied breaking patterns of pitch to better be able to hit the ball. Needless to say, I was in a position that was the type of challenge that brought great stress, fear, and doubt in my abilities to my life. This was the first time I was in a position to test what I might be made of. I must add, most of us in sport seek this in the actual events, choosing greater and greater feats to challenge and test our spirits. It had been some time since an event had taken me to that point and I was over due. Without detail, I found myself compromising my goals by not setting any points of measurability finding much of my satisfaction in helping others achieve their goals. Though this may seem fulfilling, moments like this come and soon go and without some general personal direction you find yourself asking where it is you went? As for myself, I became what I was doing, not who I wanted to be. The result was becoming a person I was not excited about being and I would guess my friendships displayed this fact. I recently have displayed symptoms of this change, an inability to sit still, complete a tasks, and a pattern of general shortcoming. I made my share of mistakes during this time in my life and with great consequence to me and perhaps others. I guess the main point of this banter is to express the deep impact this time had on me and perhaps I am only now recuperating from this period. Second, I want to state as a form of accountability to myself that I'm not finished working with athletes/coaching. There is still much for me to learn, training models that I have not fully evaluated, applications to triathlon performance not explored in the detail I enjoy. So I have some unfinished business, not to be without error, but to pursue experience, information, and most importantly my passion for sport, science, and methods of development to the sport of triathlon.